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The current period marks a ten-year milestone since the phrase “ghosting” entered the common lexicon. Back then, the notion that someone could instantly end communication with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the peak of rudeness. Our innocence was charming. In the ten-year span since, navigating toward a mate has only become more perplexing – an commonly unsuccessful pursuit in embarrassment that is increasingly defined by social media jargon.

Zoomers, a generation who came of age during a social isolation crisis, a male identity crisis, and a concerted attack on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a far messier environment than their millennial forerunners could ever envision. And so their dating lexicon has grown longer and more deranged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” testing the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a extensive guide to the words this generation is using to discuss romance, sex and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the recent most popular online sayings, by the conclusion of this list you’ll ache to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

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A

Authenticity – According to Zoomers, dating’s gold standard is presenting as your real, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A social media test inspired by a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your partner’s reaction is interested or dismissive. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Independent partner – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while oozing mystery and independence. (She may yet have that fringe.)

C

Seat theory – This signifies going for someone who supports you unprompted. If you entered a room, they would get a seat for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A meet-up where two people bond while doing chores, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do budget-friendly dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Melting down when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can spiral over a crush or split, venting all of your unreciprocated emotions.

D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 80s young urban professional affluence, it refers to partners who choose against having children to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of being guarded: embracing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Signals

• Danger signals – Personal quirks indicating a prospective partner is not right. For instance calling their exes crazy, poor tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Green flags – These quirks confirm your choice to date a partner. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, having a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe niche, mostly inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Such as being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their purse, paying rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the WWII or physical media hoarding or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who loathes the same things or individuals that you do (few things creates closeness faster than having a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A musical group many young men listens to.

Zombie-ing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The rare partner who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, deliberately postponing climax so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women's increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An archetype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly home-oriented, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own aside from satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and usually everyday turnoffs that instantly extinguish any feelings of interest.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an extremely romantic display.

J

Careers – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the era of kissing may be numbered since some gen Z prefer fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy realistic.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {