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I have been friends for more than 20 years, a person who's faced and conquered many hardships, which I admire. But, she's often blindsided in relationships. Her husband ended their marriage, and it was a massive blow. Several of close acquaintances vanished during that time, because they seemed drawn to the spouse. It shocked her deeply. She put in greater energy to be my friend, and must have realised better what friendship was.

The Pattern In Relationships

In the time since, quite a few in her circle vanished and she isn't certain of the reason. The company she worked for suddenly changed toward her, despite the fact that she had been very skilled at her work, her exit happened unaware of the reason for the change.

Current Dynamics

In recent times, we have each stepped back from work leading to more frequent meetups, however, I feel my role between us feels one-sided. I start discussion points only for her to redirect them to what interests her. Regarding political views, she holds firm beliefs. I attempt to propose double-checking information or other angles.

She is planning a trip to a nation I have traveled to on several occasions even called home for some time. My intention was to provide insights, however, my input not welcomed. She essentially only wanted validation of her plans. I've just ended four weeks in that place she is eager to reconnect, yet I'm reluctant.

Evaluating the Situation

I am unwilling to act as a friend that walks away without a word, however, I feel she'll truly grasp the consequences of her actions on my self-esteem. Right now, I find myself in distancing myself. What should I do?

Potential Solutions

You could walk away, however, that approach is rarely a smooth outcome we hope for. But confrontation aiming for working things out takes courage and willingness from both people.

Professional advice indicates applying a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"The first step involves describing what typically happens during your discussions. This needs to be objective and clear like what a recording device would replay. The second is to express her how it makes you feel. This allows for no argument here. What you feel are valid, after all. Finally involves requesting how the two of you going to change the interaction of your friendship."

Keep in mind that she also has a point of view, so you need to be prepared to hear that. One effective method is telling her:

"It's your turn to speak and I'm going to not say anything for a set time."

This can be impactful to encourage understanding.

Key Takeaways

This person may dismiss everything, as some people hold onto a “survival narrative”: they maintain a narrative about themselves they won't abandon since their identity depends upon it and it represents familiar to them. This is difficult because there's no clear path here, mere obstacles. However, she might start out defensively before reflecting about what you've said. And should you don't achieve a fix, you'll have peace knowing you were honest with her.